A Very Korean Wedding: Part Seht-Say Kimchi!

Oh me, oh my. Where has the time gone? Four months with no post. Fear not, part 3 of the Korean wedding saga has arrived. How many parts are there? I haven't decided yet.

I left off after choosing the wedding dress. I have since gone with another Western friend to pick out her wedding dress and now I'm pissed about mine, haha! I mean, there are still some of the same frustrations, but her experience has definitely been more positive than mine. This is for a lot of reasons, but a big one is that she has a lovely Korean wedding planner that is helping her do things. Unlike me, who just had my super busy, stressed out Korean man that was overwhelmed and exasperated with my constant questioning. But, I supposed that is what happens when you want people to learn from your mistakes. You have to be ok with the things that are over and done with. So. Deep breath. Letting go.

Ok. Feel better? Me too.

Anyway. So at my previous dress fitting, I had picked out three dresses to wear at the photo shoot. I also had gotten a dress made in Vietnam (insert other post here), as well as a hanbok (insert other post here) I had made in Korea that I wanted to wear at the shoot. So yes, you read that right. Five outfit changes for this photo shoot. Korean husband wore one thing the entire time. Such is life.

I left off on Part Dool after getting make-up done. After that we finally made it to the picture studio to get the party started. There is a tiny photographer who doesn't speak any English, as well as the dress helper that is there to get me in and out of my outfits. She also does more, but we'll get to that later. Let me just say that she was very nice and although she also didn't speak any English, she was super nice and we took a selfie together at the end.

Ok, so rather than go every single pose and picture, I'll try to just sum up. We were there for FIVE hours, so this was not an easy task. Basically, you are put on a circuit of poses and settings. Again, no one tells me ANYTHING (as I am typing this, I am getting angry at KH and am considering typing him an out-of-the-blue angry text message about this event that happened 7 months. I'll sit on it), so maybe you can actually have a say in how things go, but I kind of doubt you can change much since everything is already set up.

Some of the settings are totally stupid, but some made for some really great pictures. I'll post a smattering at the end and you can make your own decisions about how they turned out. During the session, I was having a pretty good time. I was a little irritated because the photographer MADE me do this ridiculous closed smile EVERY time, as well as a regular smile. I do not enjoy a closed mouth smile. I feel awkward, I look awkward and it got really old, really fast to have to do it every. single. time. Whatever.

What is this? I've got a secret... I'll tell you what it is: I want to punch the photographer.

SS (side story): There is one great photo of just me with my extra long veil floating in the breeze:

Right? Beautiful? I am a black and white goddess staring off into the distance, contemplating my wedded future.

But here is the best part:

See that little booty down in the corner? While my husband gazes longingly at me, and I stare demurely at the floor, the dress lady was trying to run away after throwing my veil up in the air for that glamorous floaty look. She didn't quite make it out of the shot, but it's fine because that's my favorite photo because of it.

Also throughout the day, the dress helper would touch up my make-up and put a new gaudy, ridiculous hair piece in. I kept telling her her I didn't want any hair pieces, but she thought I meant I just didn't want that one, so she would find another one to put in. I gave up. There is a big ugly hair piece in all the photos. She also put my hair "up" towards the end, and that turned out...not great. More about that later.

I did some of the pictures by myself, and so did KH, but most of them are of the two of us. I changed my dress 3 times for all the inside pictures and after about 3.5 hours, I put on my shorter dress I had made in Vietnam. I think this also irritated the photographer, but who cares? Not me. There was another couple in the studio when we arrived and they were taking pictures with Mickey and Minnie ears on and I was like I WANT THAT. And the photographer was like, no. And I was like, I AM PAYING YOU MONEY, GIVE ME THOSE EARS. And that was really the one thing that I had any say in. I don't know why he didn't want us to do it. I'm assuming it was because he already had a plan, and those weren't part of it but seriously? Fuck off.

My husband was not pleased about these, but he knows: Happy Wife, Happy Life. So he obliged.

After that we headed outside for a some fun humidity shots. It was August and had been raining earlier in the day, so my make up was just melting off at this point. Also, I was getting hangry and some of the photos show that.

Can you see my face? My face says I am over this, and I need food.

So we took some outside shots and then some of my wedding picture dreams came true and I was happy again. A few years ago I watched a Korean drama called "Big" (because my lover Gong Yoo is in it, not because it's any good. It's pretty stupid), and they had a pre-wedding shoot and it looked so fun! There were balloons and puppies and a bike! I was like, I want all that! Gimme! But, as I've said, no one asked me what I wanted so my dream of a bike/puppy/balloon picture was not taken into consideration. BUT-we got to take a bike picture anyway! It was part of the package! So they kind of unknowingly took my dream, and twisted into whatever they wanted, but it's fine because here is me, in a wedding dress, on a bike with my beloved:

We are most definitely going to crash since neither of us are looking where we're going, but who cares?! Love will save us.

Anyway, after that we went back inside for the final shots, of me in a hanbok. This is another bone of contention with my KH and I because he REFUSED to get a matching hanbok with me, even though it's pretty customary that the couple both have on a hanbok (ok, yeah, he's getting that angry text dammit). So anyway, it was just me in the hanbok and for traditional reasons that have still not been explained (I never asked, I was too hungry to care at this point), I had to take off my engagement ring and put on one they gave me. I was also given yet another hair ornament, and took this awesome traditional shot:

I'm sure it's meaningful and symbolic but I have yet to be given a reason for it, so I'll just pretend I know what's going on.

Ok! So then it was finally over. We took some final selfies and then high-tailed it out of there before I ripped someone's arm off and ate it. I would also like to say that as mad as I was/am about my KH's lack of hanbok, he was a fucking trooper throughout the entire process. He didn't have a chance to eat, and he honestly probably thought the entire thing was even more ridiculous than I did, but he did it all anyway, smiling like a champ the whole time. Good job, KH.

So, here some other random shots and then I'll sum up:

 What is this? Why did he make us do this? 

 This one is also super stupid. What is even going on here? 

 Also ridiculous. Who even comes up with these? 

 This one I like, even if it is unnecessarily formal. 

 Ok, so this one makes me mad. One, because wtf, hair? And two, no one could iron this dress? NO ONE? 

 Actually, this one makes me MORE mad because it turned out so crappy. My friend took one on her phone that turned out way better, luckily.

 Um, what is even happening here? What year are we in? 

 Stupid headpiece. 

Wouldn't this look WAY better if KH were ALSO in a hanbok? Yes, it would. #madforever

Ok, so here are some after thoughts about the whole thing, and ways you can learn from my mistakes:

First off, the "photographer," in my opinion, is not a real photographer. I think he is just a person that sets up the camera and pushes the button. Judging from some of the final shots (that I won't be sharing, thank you very much), he didn't take any lighting or angles into consideration. I literally cried when we went to see the proofs. I'm not skinny. I know this, but some of the shots were so unflattering, I couldn't believe he looked through the lens and decided to take it anyway. Shots from below, and from the side, are generally not flattering, but for a person with big ole fat arms, they are especially harsh. One of them was from the side, from below of me sitting down. It makes me tear up to just think about that shot because what the heck? Is that what I look like? Maybe so, but who wants to feel like they look like Jabba the Hut in a wedding dress? No one. And I was especially pissed about the picture on the stairs, with all the lights, because like I said, my friend took a really fantastic on her phone and I was so excited about them! I thought they were going to be magical and amazing and they were total shit. And the worst part? We were looking at our proofs in an office that had framed photos of other couples and they had the SAME pose that was well lit and looked great! Why couldn't we have that? KH asked and was given some jibber-jabber nonsense answer that, really, doesn't matter because we can't (or won't) re-do them, so those stairwell dreams are gone. There were also a lot of pictures of other couples in other poses, that I would have also liked to have done. But, since no one asked me, or showed me any examples, those didn't happen. 

I KNOW it doesn't matter, and I can't change it, and some of them turned out great and blah fucking blah, but yeah, it does irritate me that I cried looking at my wedding photos, and not out of happiness. 

So point is-if you are concerned about all your pictures turning out great, and how you want them, get your nerves of steel ready for battle. Ask questions and insist on doing what you want. If there are poses or settings you want, insist that they happen before you agree to use that photographer. If there are ones you don't want to do, don't do them! I was a fool, I wasn't ready, hindsight is 20/20 and all that jazz. My hair looked really bad from the side, and I should have asked her to fix it, or just left it down. I should have made sure the dresses were ironed and wrinkle free. I didn't want to sit on the fucking floor and hold a pillow in my lap, so I should have said no. I should have lost 20 pounds before we took the pictures. Shoulda, woulda, coulda. 

I did, at least, put my foot down about photoshopping them. Korean beauty standards prefer smooth, white, blemish free skin and they consider freckles to be blemishes. They asked probably five times if I wanted to photoshop out my "dots" and also take care of my fat situation. I insisted they leave my freckles alone, but I did get some back fat taken care of. Which again, could have probably been avoided with some better camera angles, or at least an instruction to sit up straight, but moving on. 

Overall, I'm glad we did it. I like *most* of the final products, and now we have this GIANT book of totally ridiculous photos and they did make for some funny stories. I am, and probably will always be, frustrated with the lack of communication and consideration of both the studio, and my KH. I try to remember that Korea is VERY homogeneous and my fat, freckly, self is not included in their version of customer service. So, if you want some ridiculous, uniquely Korean photos to treasure and laugh about forever, get them done. If you think they are going to be anything like the loving, candid photos you see from your American friends on Facebook, you need to snuff that idea out real quick. Many of our pictures look like we are part of an arranged marriage and met for the first time at the photo shoot. 

There are obviously ways around this. Hire a western style photographer to take the pictures. Find a studio that is a little more lax about how they take pictures. Pitch a fit at the studio to get your way. Replace your grandpa-esque KH with a younger, hipper version that is more willing to help you get your way. Leave Korea forever, get pictures taken at home and never look back. Pretend Korea doesn't even exist. 

(I poke fun of my KH a lot, because he does act like a stuffy grandpa, but he's a really good KH and I don't want to actually trade him in. He works really hard, and it makes me crazy, but I'm actually really proud of him and how he works for himself, doing something he loves.)

So yeah, there you go. My Korean photo shoot experience, for better or worse. Here is where we went, and also the final selfies. 

 Yay super nice dress helper! 

Erm, photographer, I'm sure you're a nice person....

Also, do you see all of KH's makeup?

So that's part three! Stay tuned for part four...choosing a wedding hall! The good, the bad, the super rude bitches. Drama! 

Getting a Korean Driver's License

***EDIT: Apparently the test has gotten harder these days. Which is maybe a good thing, considering the state of Korean roads. But, be aware, the written test and the driving test has changed. I think the process is still the same, but the actual tests are different. Check the website for details.***

I finally got my license here in Korea! If you are an experienced driver, it's really easy to do, it just takes a lot of time. I went through the actual process of getting a license, not trading mine in. For some countries, you can just trade your license in for a Korean one, but it's only for certain states in the United States and South Carolina isn't one of them. You can also get your license apostilled and then turn it in that way but getting things apostilled is a big, expensive pain in the ass and I just didn't want to do it. Plus, I'm unemployed at the moment so I have the time to actually go through the process. Anyway, there are some videos and blogs already about it on the internet, but I felt like they didn't prepare me for everything. So, I'm writing out my version of events (skip to the end for a tl;dr) for any other pompous fools like myself that think they can just show up to get a Korean driver's license without speaking or understanding any driving-related Korean.  It's do-able, but be prepared to feel foolish because every person you encounter will ask if you can speak Korean and after the fourth time, I was just ashamed to say "조금." But then it doesn't even matter because everything is in English. I was shamed, but I wasn't stopped. And props to you if you can speak Korean and don't have to wander around like a foreign goober.

FYI, I have been driving for about 15 years. I got my learners permit in the US at 15 (the laws have changed now) and I also drive my husband's car occasionally here in Korea. I lived in Los Angeles for two years and would drive a 15 passenger van around the city for my job. Once I even parallel parked that beast! Point is, I am a BOSS driver. I like driving, I miss driving and I feel very comfortable driving, even in this hot ass mess of a city. If you don't feel comfortable, or didn't have a license at home, please take a real class or at least do some practice driving before taking the test. If you're like me, though, you will do just fine with little preparation.

I went to the Driving License Test Center in Gangnam, Seoul, out of Samseong Station and close to Coex Mall. At Samseong station, go out of 1, walk to the corner and turn right. Walk down about a block or two and it's on your left. There's a sign and a giant building, you can't miss it. It took me 2 days to do everything from start to finish, but I was lazy and went later in the day. If you get there first thing in the morning (9:00am), you may be able to get everything done in one day. I like sleeping in more than I like being efficient, so I just rolled up whenever I felt like. Also, I didn't take any pictures of the process because I just didn't want to be that person.

Quickly-you have to...
Fill out an application-->watch a video-->health check-->written exam-->on-course test-->on-road test-->get license

Here is the license website for further information and other locations:

http://dl.koroad.or.kr/license/en/index.jsp

Anyway, here is, hopefully, everything you need to know (the long version):

You need to take:
*THREE passport size pictures. There's a photo booth on the 2nd floor if you don't have any handy.

       Two are for the application and one is the picture they use when you get your license. It's Korea,           so you know you gotta look good in your pictures! I, personally, look horrible but that's my fault        for skipping the photo shop option when I took them. Don't make my mistake. 

*ID (I'd bring your passport and ARC, they looked at both) 

        I *don't think* you can do it without an ARC, but I'm not positive. 

*Cash or a credit card (I saw people using cards, but I used cash for everything)

   It ended up costing about ₩72,000 total. 

*Snacks, in case you don't get to leave and are there all day. 

*Entertainment-a book or an extra battery pack for your phone because there is SO.MUCH.WAITING. 

OK, so here are the steps: 

(Have your ARC ready for each step because they ask for it each time)

1. Get an English application from the information desk (it says Information in English) If you can do it in Korean, they are in the middle. Fill out all the information (name, ID number, address, phone number, etc)

    *If you want to trade in your license or get an international license, it's also on the first floor.

2. Take your application to the 2nd floor, to window 12 and pay ₩7,500. They will get your fingerprint and give you a card with a number on it. You have to watch a safety video that takes about an hour. Go in the room across from window 12 and seat at the desk with the same number as your card. The video is in Korean with Chinese (Mandarin?) subtitles, which makes no sense to me since all the traffic signs here are in Korean and English, not Chinese. Just go with it, it's the first of many things that make no sense. The video is set up like a game show and of course has cute cartoon mascots in it, so just pretend to pay attention. There's also a like, Korean drama portion of the video, but I never really understood what was going on with those two crazy lovebirds. Don't sleep, because a worker will come yell at you. They came in and asked a question at the beginning and some people got in line. I don't know what they said and I didn't get up, and everything was fine. 

   *The video only plays at 9:10, 11, 3:10 and 4:30 (subject to change) so you need to be there around one of those times or you will just be sitting around waiting since it's the first step. 

When the video is almost over, they will pass out a piece of paper with your name on it saying you passed this portion of the test. Make sure you get yours because I didn't notice they had names on them at first. When it's over, get in line and you check out with your fingerprint. 

3. Take your application to B1 and get a "health check" for ₩6,000. They check your eyes on a chart. It's just letters and numbers and you get a stamp. Easy Peasy. 

4. Go back to the 2nd floor and take a number from the machine up front. When it's your turn, you will be registered for the written test. This costs ₩18,500. Some of the workers speak English, but either way, they should know what you need because you get a stamp each time you complete a step and you just need the next one. Or, they'll just send you to someone that does speak English. 

Side note: Sometimes this guy comes out with a headset on and starts herding people into lines to make things go faster. He is just calling out numbers and telling people to go line up at certain windows. He was very nice and spoke English, so he would tell me what line to get in and became my license getting best friend. Be nice to him if you go to the Gangnam test center. 

5. Go to the 4th floor to take the test. Give your information to the proctor at the front and make sure you say you want it in English. They will probably assume, but just to be safe. You have 50 minutes to answer 40 questions. Good luck.

   Quick aside: OH MY GOODNESS, THIS TEST. My friend gave me materials to study and I think there is some information on the website to look at. But, really, just use your best judgement because most of it is just subjective stuff like, what is the most dangerous thing in this situation and there will be a picture. But the BEST part is, they have scenarios that involve people pushing handcarts down the street. I just loved that because, to me, it's SO Korean. I don't know about where you come from, but we do not have people pushing handcarts using busy city streets in my hometown. We do have golf-carts, so maybe that's just as weird. Anyway, I thought for sure I failed, but I only missed 2 questions. Common sense will probably get you through. 

    When you finish, it tells you if you passed or failed, and some numbers pop on the screen. Ignore those, you don't do anything with them. Go get a stamp from the front desk. And if you do fail, you can take it again the next day.  

6. Back to the 2nd floor and get another number to register for the "Driving Course Test" for ₩3,500. You are given a time to go take the test and she will give you directions on how to get there. 

   Another aside: There are some practice driving cars on the 2nd floor that look like driving simulator video games. I am an idiot and thought THOSE things were the driving course test. When I came back the second day, I was freaking out because they were broken and I thought I wouldn't get to take the test. I went down to information to ask and they were like, wtf are you talking about? A random woman in line asked if I need a translator, so I said the cars upstairs were broken. She replied that this was not the place to come to get your car fixed. In my stress, I rudely told her nevermind and went back upstairs. I'm dumb. 

   

7. The ACTUAL Driving Course Test is outside, to the right, across the street, down a hill, across the river, across a parking lot and up some stairs. Get another stamp from the nice old man in the booth before crossing the lot. Go up the stairs and inside where it says 1-2 and watch a video that has English subtitles. There is also a board all in English that explains what will happen. The man working there was SUPER worried about me not speaking Korean even though everything was in English but whatever. Smile and Nod. After reading and watching, give them your application and ID and then walk downstairs to the practice cars. They will call your name (or some Koreanized version of your name...Jacquelyn became "Ja-Qu"), you stand on the white footsteps and then get in the car. 

   Ok, so this test is ridiculous and it basically tests if you are a human being with basic human being driving skills. You are in the car by yourself and it speaks to you in Korean, but there are English instructions in a screen in the car so just read those and you'll be fine. The only thing to remember is to wait until the directions have finished before you do anything. Otherwise it doesn't register with the computer. So you get in, put on your seat-belt and wait for it to tell you to turn the car on. I don't remember the sequence exactly, but it asks you to turn on the lights, the wipers and use the blinkers. Then you put it into gear and drive 50 meters in a straight line. Halfway through, it flashes a red emergency signal and you need to hit the brakes, put it in park and put on the emergency lights. When it tells you, keep going and drive to the finish, park and put on the parking brake. Wait until it's done talking to take off your seat-belt and turn off the car. You have FIVE minutes to get all this done, which is an absurdly long amount of time for this test. Get out, go back up the stairs and get your newly stamped application back. 

   If you don't pass this part, bless your heart, but you don't deserve a driver's license. You can, however, take it again after three days. Their decision, not mine. 

7. Back to the 2nd floor! Get ANOTHER number to receive your temporary license. If you don't need practice or want to wait, you can register for the "On-Road Driving Exam" for ₩28,500. They will give you a time and you go wait some more. Go outside, like you did for the Driving Course, but to the left. You will wait in a room that plays a video about the driving courses and things to remember. Watch these videos! They will literally tell you everything you need to know about this test. They even show you the four course options and the "problem areas" of each one! They REALLY don't want you to fail. There are English subtitles and also a book with English information at the front. Again, if you are an experienced driver, you should have NO problem with this. You will be driving on actual Korean roads, so if you've never done that before, I suggest practicing before if you have the chance. 

    The videos talk about most of these things but there are a few things that were different than driving at home. 

            *Getting out of bus lanes. Sometimes you have to turn right into a bus lane, but just merge out of it as soon as you can. You also have to get into the bus lane to make right turns sometimes, but try to wait until you have a broken line. Bus lanes have blue lines.

             *Always put the car in neutral when you are stopped at a light. You will get points deducted if you don't. 

             *You can't turn left unless you have a left arrow light. Do not ride the line and turn left on yellow!

            *U-turns are (obviously) very common here. Use the U-turn lane, wait for the light, make sure no one is coming and turn even if the fool in front of you is just sitting there. 

           *Always be aware of pedestrians. My hometown doesn't have a lot of pedestrian traffic so it's something I've had to get used to. 

Ok, so then another guy comes in, takes your application, frets because you don't speak Korean and makes you read the English manual even though all the videos have English subtitles. SMILE AND NOD. Wait for your name to be called and then go outside and find the driver with you application. Have him also fret about you not speaking Korean even though the GPS is in English. Smile and nod some more. 

There is another rando person in the car with you who is also taking the test. I was surprised/annoyed with this, mainly because after I finished, I had to wait for her to take the test as well but whatever..it was like 10 minutes. 

In the car, you just listen to the English speaking computer tell you what to do. It's like a GPS with no screen. You can't ask the instructor questions, they are just there in case of an emergency, although mine did remind me to put the car in neutral at stops (is this common? I never did this at home). You drive around for about 10 minutes and it's very simple. It was kind of funny to me, because you are on your best driving behavior while there are normal Korean drivers all around you driving their normal crazy selves, along with taxis who are in bat out of hell mode. Anyway, drive carefully, but not like a grandma because that will get you points deducted as well, and then go back to the lot. The final test is parallel parking. I obviously aced this, but the woman after me hit the front curb and still passed, so don't stress too much if you're not great at it. Then it's over! The computer tells you if you passed or failed. If you failed, you can take it again after three days. 

If you passed..you're in the homestretch!

8. Go back to the 2nd floor and GET YET ANOTHER MOTHERFUCKING NUMBER! When they call you, you pay ₩7,500 (I think, I don't remember, I was deliriously hungry at this point) for them to make your license. Give them your last picture and wait some more. Finally they call your name and GIVE YOU YOUR LICENSE!!! VICTORY DANCE!!!! 

Unlike when I was 15 and got my license, I did not get to drive the car home with my mom. Instead, I sadly got on the bus and went home and took a nap. Being a grown-up is the worst! 

Even though the whole process took a while, and I wandered around looking like an idiot for a good portion of the time, the whole thing was actually pretty organized and easy. Especially considering it's the GIANT city of Seoul in KOREA, and I don't even speak Korean. So yeah, easy but time-consuming. And again, not bragging, but seriously-make sure you are comfortable driving around this madhouse of a city. It's not for everyone. Including half the people that already have licenses and drive around here. 

Anyway, now I have a Korean license so who knows what will happen now. Hopefully future posts will be about the fun car adventures I have. Stay tuned! 

TL;DR

Take: ID, money (₩71,500), 3 passport pics

1. Get English application on 1st floor

2. 2nd floor, window 12, register for Education video

3. Watch video, get paper

4. Health check on B1

5. Apply for written exam on 2nd floor, take exam on 4th floor

6. Apply for Driving Course Test on 2nd floor, take test across the street

7. Apply for temporary license/On Road Exam on 2nd floor

8. Take On Road Exam 

9. Back to 2nd floor to make and receive license

10. Celebrate with obligatory facebook post

A Very Korean Wedding: Part Dool-Say 네 to the Dress

Oh my god, we're back again. Time to talk about another part of this crazy Korean wedding, the wedding portraits. Or rather, the lead-up to them. Unlike the US, Koreans do studio wedding portraits where both the bride and groom are there. I don't know what happens at other shoots, but in my situation, I was not asked about what kind of settings and poses we (as a couple) were interested in. Like most things in Korea, your personal interests are of no importance and you just do what everyone else has already done. If I could speak Korean better, I may have had some say in what was going on, but I don't and I didn't. Also, my man Korean is THE WORST at letting me know what is going on and this is definitely not the first time I have showed up somewhere not knowing what to expect and thus being woefully unprepared for what unfolds.

The actual day of the portraits was quite lovely. My friend and her Korean came along and they made it a fun affair. However, in hindsight (and after we got to see the proofs), I should have asked A LOT more questions and there are things I wish had been different. Anyway, I'll start from the beginning and if you're also getting wedding portraits, you can learn from my mistakes!

So, we just went to the studio recommended by our wedding hall. The studio works with a make-up and hair salon as well as a dress rental shop, so we used those as well. I have no doubt there are better and nicer shops out there, but I don't have Korean skills to find them and my Korean doesn't have the patience to do any research so that's why we just did what we were recommended.

A few weeks before the photo shoot, you will make an appointment to have a dress and/or tux fitting at the dress shop. Now, I was too hungover from my 31st birthday party to make the first appointment where my Korean could go along (birthday parties in your thirties are REAL difficult to recover from), so I went with a friend at a later date. This was good and bad...less stress because it's my friend that actually cares about wedding dresses but more stress because she also doesn't speak Korean well. The ladies were nice enough, so we got through it without too many problems in the language department. The real problem is that in Korea, I am a fat monster and can't fit into most of the dresses. While it's an awesome system of just renting dresses instead of buying them, it really only works in your favor if you are "Korean size," which is like somewhere between a 00-4 in US sizes. Regardless of how you actually feel about your weight, trying to stuff yourself into dresses that are too small is kind of a downer. And because it's Korea, they just don't have anything bigger. Yes, most Koreans are a small size but there ARE bigger Koreans that exist and I want to know where they are getting wedding dresses. It wasn't this fucking shop, that's for damn sure. My weight fluctuates a lot, but I am generally between an 8-10 in US sizes. I'm only 5'2" on a good day so my weight is pretty packed on my small frame. I think I am probably the maximum size to very tightly squeeze into a Korean dress, so if you are bigger than a 10 or a C bra size, chances are slim you will find a dress.

I totally understand that *most* women in this country are relatively slim but there are most definitely some that aren't. It just seems crazy to me that they don't have ANY options for women that are slightly bigger than the average size person. When my Korean and I went back the second time, she told him that ALL the dresses in Korea were like this and ALL brides have to be stuffed into dresses and that I just had to "endure." And honestly, I wouldn't have been so upset but we specifically asked the wedding planner if the dresses would fit me and she said "don't worry." The only other option was to have a dress specially made for me, but that is, obviously, very expensive and was not something I was interested in doing. In hindsight, that would have been much less stressful and definitely less soul-crushing. But, I still maintain that I am a paying customer and I should have been provided with dresses that made me feel comfortable and beautiful. I shouldn't have to endure!

Anyway, so there were a few that I managed to get my fat ass into, but of course they don't actually zip up or close in the back. So, they put this piece of fabric back there and tie you up, corset style. This was fine for pictures done from the front, but pretty obvious for anything shot from the side and back pictures were out of the question. But I'll get to that later. So yea, I got to choose three to stuff myself in and they were going to be ready to go on the day of the shoot.

A little side note about this dress shop: it was pretty dirty and REALLY cheesy. The decor was cringeworthy and everything looked like it hadn't been touched or wiped down since the 90s. The ladies working there were nice, but the kept asking me what kind of dress I wanted. I have kind of strange body shape, so I was less interested in finding my dream dress, but more interested in finding a dress that was flattering and actually fit. Stupid me, that wasn't an option. And you know how at home you can actually look at the different dresses and decide what you do and don't like? Well here you better come prepared or you can look in this ONE book that's sitting out that has five dress options in it. And even if you say, oh yes, I like this one, let's try it on, chances are high that it won't fit so that's a wasted 30 minutes of your life.

Oh, and the best part is that they give you these teeny tiny undergarments to try on as well. TAKE YOUR OWN BRA if you ever have to do this. I cannot stress this enough. In addition to probably never being washed, the actual bra is teeeeeny tiny and they still make you wear it, even if it VERY CLEARLY doesn't fit. And trying on dresses without proper undergarments will shred whatever self-esteem you had left so I wouldn't recommend it. The tiny bra makes your boobs look crazy and it puts them in places they have probably never been before. They also gave me these tiny shorts to put on and they would have maybe fit my 10 year old cousin.

Oh, also eat a proper meal or take snacks with you because it took a good 3-4 hours and by the end I was a hangry monster. My nerves were already shot by the entire experience, but by the end, I was just like WHATEVER because I needed to leave and get some food.

Ok, so you get into some dresses and they make you stand on this pedestal thing and open the curtains to show you off to whoever is there with you. Like I said, my friend was with me the first time and when I went back to choose the actual wedding dress, my fiance was there. They don't have the same tradition of not having the groom see you before the wedding day so if you want to retain that, bring someone else or tell your man to wait outside.

So I chose three and that's that. About two weeks later, it's time to take the pictures and that is yet another fun adventure in miscommunications, shattered expectations and a breakdown of your self esteem. Ready? Okay!

First, we had to go get my Korean fitted for his tux. At my shady ass rental shop, there were apparently only four different jacket options for him to choose from. This seems insane to me, but why would anything start making sense now? Also, the sample clothes they had him try on did not fit AT ALL so it was hard to get an idea of what actually looked good. The shirt was billowy and huge and the pants were too short and made his otherwise cute butt look ridiculous. Also, he only wore one outfit during the entire photo shoot, while I wore five. WHATEVER.

My friend (same one that came to the dress shop) and her husband came along for the adventure because they will be going through the same process next year. Lucky them, they also get to benefit from our mistakes.

After that, we drove to the make-up studio and were told to put our things and clothes into lockers. He and I both got made up and got our hair done. I got angry because no one told me I was supposed to come with examples and ideas of what I wanted my hair and make up to look like. I don't really wear a lot of make-up on a daily basis, so I wasn't sure what "look" I was going for. These seems like a stupid oversight now, but I assumed they were the professionals and they would be able to give helpful suggestions. Wrong again! The make-up ended up looking nice, but I did get very "Korean" eyebrows that were very thick and straight across, rather than just filling in my natural arch. Other than that, I looked quite pretty! My hair is naturally curly and I should have known they would have a hard time dealing with it. But again, I stupidly went into this process thinking the hair professionals would be able to help me. There were pictures of different styles, but they were all for people with very long hair. There was talk of being able to put extensions in my hair, but I was leery. My hair is dark, but it's not quite as dark as most Korean's natural color and idk, extensions seemed like A LOT of work at the time. So, they just defined the curls and I wore it down for the first half of the shoot.

The hair and make-up process took THREE HOURS, which was shocking to me. Maybe that is normal, but it takes me about thirty minutes to get myself showered, ready and out the door, so three hours was an absurd amount of time to spend getting ready. Once everything was finished, I was put into dress number one by a lovely assistant sent from the dress shop. She didn't speak any English, but she was very kind and patient throughout the whole process so that was one positive thing that came out of the experience. She did give me the ugliest shoes in the entire world to put on and tried to get me to put on a corset the size of my thigh, but it wasn't her fault. It's what EVERYONE else has worn, so of course I should do it as well.

Oh, also, after all that, I had to get in the car and drive to photo studio, which meant I was just wandering around the streets of Apgujeong for a few minutes while my Korean pulled the car out. And you know what? No one even batted an eye. Bless you, oblivious Koreans.

Last thing-I did have a very positive experience having a traditional Korean hanbok made, and I'll talk about that later as well. Not everything about this mess was horrible.

Anyway, that's the dress portion. I'm exhausted from re-living all of this so I'll save the photo shoot for Part Set. Stay tuned!

Looks decent from afar. But let's take a closer look....

That's tape holding it together. Just to give you an idea of the high class establishment I was working with. 

Perfect! Let's get married in that. 

Four hours have passed and we haven't even started taking pictures yet....

These fucking shoes

*Also, just before anyone gets upset, I KNOW I am in another country, and should be expected to adhere to their customs, etc. I am trying and yes, I would benefit from speaking Korean better. These are my frustrations with my personal experience and most of it doesn't have anything to do with the actual country, it's a combination of lots of different things. Also, it's really really hard to let go of certain expectations you have for a wedding, even if you are in a different country. I really don't know if other Korean women are actually happy with their wedding experiences, but I can't imagine that anyone that is even the slightest bit overweight appreciates having ZERO options for them to wear on their special day. 

Vietnam: Part One, Shoes

OOps! I didn't want this to be a kbeauty blog because I am seriously the dumbest when it comes to make-up, and also there are hundreds of other, more knowledgeable people that can help you out. So, moving on from my limited beauty product knowledge for now. Moving on to my FANTASTIC VIETNAM TRIP!! I have been on a lot of vacations, but this past one I took to Vietnam was damn near perfect. There were a lot of aspects to the fabulousness, so it's overwhelming and irrational to try and tackle it all in one go. I am also not going to try and organize it in any way, I'm just going to randomly post things trip related every now and then. First up, shoes!

Last year, I went on a two week tour of Vietnam and made a two day stop in Hoi An, which is on the east coast in the middle of Vietnam. It is famous for silk lanterns and tailor shops. I LOVE paper lanterns (not kidding, they are tattoed on my body), so this place like the little magical, softly-lit paper wonderland of my dreams. Two days was not enough, so I convinced SY to go back for our summer vacation. I had ulterior motives, though, because I wanted a new wardrobe (and a wedding dress, another post!) made. Plus, I wanted to experience the romance and magical-ness of the city with SY and not random strangers I met in the hostel. So back we went at the end of July! So many fantastic things happened but for now, shoes!

Like I said, Hoi An is famous for tailors, as well as handmade shoes and other leather goods. After I got fitted for a dress, the shop recommended a shoe store down the street. I am so incredibly lazy and hate bargaining with people, so instead of trying to look for anywhere else that might have been better or cheaper, I just went with this first option. I don't recommend doing this because I'm quite certain there are better options out there. While I am relatively happy with my results, I feel like things could have been better, and cheaper. Also I second guess every decision I've ever made in my life, so this is no exception.

The place was called VANS shoes and the ladies were nice enough. I showed them what I wanted and got fitted and was on my way. When I came back the next day (so fast!) they were ready but I wanted them to tighten the straps on the sides of the sandals. Long story short, I came back to the store 3 more times and they were never tightened. Finally on the last day, they suggested tightening the back strap to make them tighter and because I am easily convinced, don't like arguing and they legit seemed tighter, I just went with it. Now, being home and wearing them around town, I am pretty pissed I didn't make them tighten the straps on the sides. Because now they flap around when I walk and it's so annoying. They are SO cute and I love them, but god dammit, they are flappy and annoying.


I also got some heels made. I am pretty happy with them, but I recently wore them and damn, they were crazy uncomfortable. I only wore them for a few minutes, so maybe they will stretch out and feel better but at the moment they are pretty pinchy. But, they photograph well and are pretty to look at so that's a plus. Also, they were about $150 cheaper than what they go for online.

Well shit, this turned out more negative than I thought. I loved most things about Vietnam, and these shoes are, in theory (and in pictures) are pretty fabulous. But, they were more expensive and less satisfactory than I was hoping. So, yeah, if you decide to go and get some shoes made, channel your inner strength and stick to your guns about what you want and how they feel. Don't be like me and just give up so you can leave with your shoes you paid money for. Yes, they are cheaper than anything you will ever buy or have made at home but still. They're yours and you're paying so get what you want or get out. For Part Two, I'll find something more positive to write about!

A Very Korean Wedding: Part Hana-The "Engagement"

Ok. So. I'm getting married in Korea in 15 days and it has just been a roller-coaster. Mainly it's been a frustrating shit show, with little slivers of fun thrown in.  I am hoping it will all turn out to be worth it, but I'll have to get back to you in 15 days on that one.

Since I am assuming most people that are looking at this blog have some interest in having their own Korean wedding, I am not going to into explaining ALL the cultural nuances of this crazy tiny country but will be giving a personal account of MY experiences that I've PERSONALLY had. So, this isn't what everyone has or will go through. If you are an American and/or other westerner getting married to a Korean in Korea, god's speed to you. It isn't easy.

So this post is mainly about the steps leading to the wedding..a prequel, if you will.

Some background: unlike what dramas will lead you to believe, most Korean men are not that romantic. This opinion is based on my Korean and the handful of friends I have that are also married to Koreans. Most grown men think celebrating 100 days and White Day is childish and Koreans in general are not a very celebratory people, especially in terms of gift and card giving. I can't tell you how many fights I've had about what constitutes proper behavior on a holiday or anniversary or how many lectures I've given on the importance on honoring what the most important person in your life finds important. IT'S FUCKING IMPORTANT PEOPLE! Would it kill you to buy some flowers? NO IT WOULDN'T.

Umm, point is, they don't see the point of western style romance and this includes having big engagements. The two of you generally just decide together that you're going to get married and then you meet the parents and that's that. I did have one friend that had a lovely surprise involving video and a boat but that is more rare. Generally, there's no ring and no knee and you will have to deflect questions from your western friends, and sob over other people's romantic and special stories/videos/pictures. OR you can stage your own post-actual engagement, engagement reenactment and post those pictures...like I did. We actually got legally married (yet another post) and then I had time to plan out all the things I wanted to happen. I wanted a ring, so we went to "jewelry street" near Jongno and got a shiny fake diamond. I never really put any thought into a "dream ring" so I wasn't *that* concerned with what it looked like or how much it cost. The shinier and cheaper, the better. I have other plans for our money. Since Koreans often get "couple rings" when they have been in a serious relationship for a while, it took some explaining to vendors that no, my boyfriend didn't want a matching diamond for himself.  

I had also never put a lot of thought into my "dream" anything pertaining to a wedding. Different things are important to different people, but for me, I just wanted some semblance of tradition so I "gently guided" my Korean in these steps. It's not that I never expected to get married, I had just never put any thought into what I expected to happen. Which is probably for the best because I would have been SEVERELY disappointed.

So anyway, we got the ring and two weeks later we were able to "get engaged." Why two weeks? Oh because my Korean works like fucking crazy person and only gets a day off the first and third Sunday of every month. Yes yes, you heard right, 2 days off a month. Koreans are notoriously cray cray when it comes to work culture and he is no different. He, fortunately, owns his own business and doesn't have to deal with next level insanity of Korean corporate world, but since he's also the only empoloyee as well as the boss, there isn't anyone else to work if he wants a day off. His ridiculous job is a whole other post, so we'll move on.

On his next day off, we rented a little boat on a lake near Gapyeong (we had been there before) and paddled out to the middle and he just gave me the ring. I had gotten us couple shirts from Gmarket that made us look precious and romantic in the pictures, but really it was all my idea and it was kind of lame. We were also made to wear life jackets and when I made us unbuckle them for the pictures, we got yelled at through a bullhorn from the people back at the dock. Dammit people, we're trying to be romantic, shut the hell up! Also, my Korean is not as comfortable as I am in the water, so that explains the look of fear on his face in some of the pictures. After we got back on solid ground, we had a picnic at "our spot" in the park and that was less stressful. We took more pictures and exactly zero people congratulated us on newly engaged status. Our shirts clearly let everyone know what was going but it's Korea, no one gives a shit about anyone else.

Then I put the pictures up and pretended like it was a great magical moment. It was a fun day, but since I had planned it all out, it really wasn't all that romantic. Looking back now, it kind of makes me angry. I mean, it's so lame! I had to plan everything! What is wrong with him that he can't pretend to even give a shit? Dammit, cultural differences! I think this anger is because of all the subsequent milestones our relationship has since had where he makes little to no effort to acknowledge or celebrate it. He is slowly learning but I have a feeling there are going to be a few more blowouts before he learns and I also learn to chill a little. Just a little, though. Celebrating is my joy.

Anyway. That's that. I don't regret anything, but going through this ridiculous Korean wedding process has been wearing me down. Group mentality and the disregard for individuality extends into wedding culture. So even on your special day, it's actually not at all about you, but about your family and guests. This is my path that I have chosen so I can't complain, but I'm American so I will probably continue to anyway. The frustration of having to manufacture romance for myself is most definitely not unique to Korea. I am sure brides around the world are displeased with how things have progressed in their wedding journey, I'm just putting mine on the internet. But god damn you, rom-coms for ruining everything and giving people ridiculous expectations of what romance means!

Ok, well that was the "engagement" even though we were actually married the whole time! Sneaky us. Here are some pics and links in case you want a faux engagement for yourself!

Korea Jewelry Street: http://english.visitkorea.or.kr/enu/SHP/SH_EN_7_2.jsp?cid=273730
There are tons of stores so shop around to find a ring and a price you like.

Boat Rental: http://english.visitkorea.or.kr/enu/ATR/SI_EN_3_1_1_1.jsp?cid=584607&nearBy=accom
There are other, more exciting, rentals you can do as well.

You too can get yelled at while also getting "engaged!"

T-shirts: http://www.dhgate.com/product/hight-quality-chinese-size-s-xxxl-would-you/269422233.html
This isn't where we got ours, but that site has since been defunct. Such is the fickle life of Korea.

Best Face Forward

Kbeauty is VERY overwhelming. Just last night I was looking at other blogs and I legitimately felt anxious. Good God, there are so many products and things to choose from! But, my problem is two fold. First, I don't like having tons of products because I am a *teensy* bit on the Type A side and hate waste and hate buying new products before I've used my old ones. I cut open lotions to scrape out the last remnants. Penny pinching runs deep in my family and I am just really hate wasting things, get off my back! Also, I don't even like wearing face make-up but there are so many cute and seemingly wonderful products out there, I feel like I should have them! I shouldn't, because I won't use them but that doesn't stop me from seriously considering buying them and having them collect dust in my teeny tiny Korean bathroom.  I am very easily persuaded by beauty blogs and when other people have pretty things, I want them too. I recently quit my job, though, (last day is Wednesday, glory be) so there are even more reasons I shouldn't spend money on pretty things I will never use. 

To make things worse, I live in Gangnam (well technically Seocho) but I am literally a stones throw away from basically every Korean beauty shop that exists (with the inexplicable absence of Holika Holika and Club Clio). Plus there is an Olive Young a five minute walk from house and going in there is dangerous. Yesterday I needed a toothbrush and I left with eye masks, face masks, gel face masks and nail polish. So yeah, self-control is not my strong suit. 

Also, I am a sucker for a face mask. They are the fast, easy way to feel fancy and lovely, plus companies are always coming up with crazy new ones. I am exceptionally lazy and face masks are way easier than a 10 step face routine. My routine has three steps in the morning and four to five at night (sometimes one when I'm super tired), and a face mask every now and then. Also, not to brag, but I have pretty nice skin. I mean, I am always second guessing it because Instagram, but I get compliments on it and I generally don't have any problems. This in no way reflects good skin practices on my part. I just got lucky with genes. My sister got the height and good looks, I got good skin and my brother gets to be a white American male, so he's the real winner in the family. Anyway, while I am no expert, I have somehow acquired three very different face masks that I now have to use all up and I will compare them here, for you dear reader. Plus, a face mask as an added bonus. 

First up: Su:m37's White Award Bubble De Mask

So, it's pricey. Hence the sparkly background to represent glitz and wealth. I thought it was worth it because it really does make your face feel AMAZING but I'm having my doubts recently because there are other things that also make my face feel AMAZING. Anyway, you put it on after you wash your face and it gets all bubbly! It's super fun and after a few minutes they all start popping. Once they've all popped or you can't handle the tickly feeling anymore, you wash it off and ta-da! Your face is nice and shiny and VERY clean feeling. Not really any more white, but when Korean products say "whitening" they usually just mean brighter.

SY was super pumped about participating in the bubbles. 

Final Thoughts: If you feel like splurging, this mask is super fun. 

Next up: Elizavecca Hell-Pore Clean Up Mask 

Oops, it's dirty. Sorry about that. It's kind of runny and doesn't like to stay in the tube properly. So I had been seeing this all over the interwebs and was like, yes. Mainly because when I see things getting popular in the US, I feel superior that I'm in Korea and can get things for a slightly cheaper price. Also, SY has the hugest pores I've ever seen and pore stripping his nose is one of life's greatest gifts. The chance to do it to his whole face was something I couldn't resist. I still haven't been able to figure out where exactly this brand is sold, but I ordered this off G-Market (Korean Ebay). Then I took video of me taking it off and now you get to enjoy it. 

It hurt like a bitch. I have since figured out that if you leave it on for a REALLY long time, like 35-45 minutes instead of the recommended 15-20, then it's easier to peel off. I have yet to get it come off all in one piece like I've seen on other videos. I'm hesitant to try it again because it literally felt like I was ripping my face off. Also, it was not as satisfying as I was hoping for on SY's nose. I've used a 3 step kit from Innisfree on him that yielded better results. 

Final Thoughts: If you use this, keep it away from your eyes, out of any hair and leave it on for like an hour just to be safe. Also put it on really thick because that also makes it easier to pull off. And then go buy other masks because there's no reason for all this work. 

Third one: Holika Holika Smooth Egg Skin Peeling Gel 

 So I got this little booger for my birthday because my awesome coworker knows about my love for The Lazy Egg, Gudetma! I tried it a few weeks ago and was underwhelmed but it turns out I used it wrong. The instructions are all in Korean and there are no pictures, so I googled it, but I guess I looked at the wrong instructions. I just smoothed it on and then washed it off after like 10 minutes but was like, this feels wrong. So, I got SY to translate the second time around and it was SO MUCH BETTER. So how you actually use it is by washing your face, and then rubbing this on and kind of massage it into your face and let it get all the gunk off. Stand over a sink while doing it to catch the gunk. It feels kind of gross and it at first I was like, ew, I don't want all this gunk on my hands or in my sink. But it was worth it because afterwards my face felt amazing!!! Seriously, I was like a new born baby and it still felt super soft the next day. I was probably glowing for a while but then I walked to work in the humid fog of Seoul so the glow turned into a film of sweat.

Do you see the gunk? It's hard to see, but it's gunky, believe me. I didn't take an after picture because I am obviously the worst at selfies and they make me feel weird and awkward. I am also way to lazy to find good lighting, make my hair look presentable and clean out my eye boogers.

Final Thoughts: Fall in love with Gudetama, get thee to Holika Holika and use this mask correctly the first time around for a clean, soft, bright face! 

Last one: Skinfood Yuja Water Whitening Ampoule Mask Sheet

I don't know what Yuja Water, or an Ampoule is but this mask was refreshing and lovely. To be fair, they all are. There are literally thousands to choose from and I put this one on because it was a free sample. I have been using Skinfood's Gold Cavier line of lotions, cause I'm a fancy ass bitch, and this mask was free and not ₩5,000 ($4.50ish) so here we are. 

Final thoughts: I can't tell the differences between the masks and they all seem great so this one is just as nice as the other 10 samples I have in my cabinet. 

Umm, so I kind of suck at this. Sorry! But maybe you suck too and are feeling lost and overwhelmed and need some fanciness. Buy one of these things and you will feel fancy as fuck, guaranteed. 

With These Tired Eyes*

*To be sung to the tune of "Hungry Eyes" by Eric Carmen, featured on Dirty Dancing.

This is the first post about the Korean beauty products I use in my everyday life. There are literally a bazillion different K-beauty products out there, but these are just the ones I've happened upon and will now share my opinions with you, dear reader. Before I came to Korea, I rarely wore make-up and my face routine was Neutrogena face wash and a moisturizer with SPF, for day and night. I have taken baby steps to get to where I am now, and so can you! K-beauty is hella overwhelming, and I usually end up looking at other people's blogs to get tips. These can also be a bit much as they are done by actual beauty bloggers that are discussing slightly more advanced products (not for beginners and/or lazy people), and often use terminology that I have to google in a separate tab.  Hopefully these posts will help other face care dummies/lazy fucks such as myself.

So yeah, I always have dark circles under my eyes. I am constantly being told I look tired, which, 90% of the time is true. Even on days when I'm feeling good, got some energy, ready to rule the world, someone still tells me I look tired. However, I will say that lately I have been getting a lot of compliments on my skin, so other than the bags, my face situation is going pretty well. And even luckier for me, Koreans value a small face, so I have gotten many a compliment on the actual size of my face. At home, I was embarrassed for my tiny head that had to wear kid sized hats, but not here! But that is a whole other post, this one is about eye bags.

I think they are hereditary, so there is little that can be done about them. Sometimes, when I'm feeling ambitious, I wear under-eye concealer but those days are few and far between. So, every now and then (when I remember), I use these little eye patch thingys that I think I saw on someone else's blog. You can be the judge if they do any good. (Forgive the photos, I haateee taking selfies)

Hydrogel Eye Patch by Petitfee, ordered from Gmarket

Before picture. I shouldn't have dark circles. I had slept in and relaxed all day. But such is life. 

Are they working? Is this the right way they go on? I don't know, I lost the directions. Leave on 10-15 minutes. 

After! Looks exactly the same, eh? Do I feel brighter? Not really. 

Like most things, if I did them consistently, I might see results. However, I'm the worst at following a routine. Mainly because my life is constantly being interrupted by travel or schedule changes. I'm not complaining because I love change, but it's not the best for routines. 

So there you go. I didn't necessarily look better, but I did feel fancy as fuck with black pearl and gold resting under my eyes.