This Random Life: A Very Korean Wedding: Part Seht-Say Kimchi!

Oh me, oh my. Where has the time gone? Four months with no post. Fear not, part 3 of the Korean wedding saga has arrived. How many parts are there? I haven't decided yet.

I left off after choosing the wedding dress. I have since gone with another Western friend to pick out her wedding dress and now I'm pissed about mine, haha! I mean, there are still some of the same frustrations, but her experience has definitely been more positive than mine. This is for a lot of reasons, but a big one is that she has a lovely Korean wedding planner that is helping her do things. Unlike me, who just had my super busy, stressed out Korean man that was overwhelmed and exasperated with my constant questioning. But, I supposed that is what happens when you want people to learn from your mistakes. You have to be ok with the things that are over and done with. So. Deep breath. Letting go.

Ok. Feel better? Me too.

Anyway. So at my previous dress fitting, I had picked out three dresses to wear at the photo shoot. I also had gotten a dress made in Vietnam (insert other post here), as well as a hanbok (insert other post here) I had made in Korea that I wanted to wear at the shoot. So yes, you read that right. Five outfit changes for this photo shoot. Korean husband wore one thing the entire time. Such is life.

I left off on Part Dool after getting make-up done. After that we finally made it to the picture studio to get the party started. There is a tiny photographer who doesn't speak any English, as well as the dress helper that is there to get me in and out of my outfits. She also does more, but we'll get to that later. Let me just say that she was very nice and although she also didn't speak any English, she was super nice and we took a selfie together at the end.

Ok, so rather than go every single pose and picture, I'll try to just sum up. We were there for FIVE hours, so this was not an easy task. Basically, you are put on a circuit of poses and settings. Again, no one tells me ANYTHING (as I am typing this, I am getting angry at KH and am considering typing him an out-of-the-blue angry text message about this event that happened 7 months. I'll sit on it), so maybe you can actually have a say in how things go, but I kind of doubt you can change much since everything is already set up.

Some of the settings are totally stupid, but some made for some really great pictures. I'll post a smattering at the end and you can make your own decisions about how they turned out. During the session, I was having a pretty good time. I was a little irritated because the photographer MADE me do this ridiculous closed smile EVERY time, as well as a regular smile. I do not enjoy a closed mouth smile. I feel awkward, I look awkward and it got really old, really fast to have to do it every. single. time. Whatever.

What is this? I've got a secret... I'll tell you what it is: I want to punch the photographer.

SS (side story): There is one great photo of just me with my extra long veil floating in the breeze:

Right? Beautiful? I am a black and white goddess staring off into the distance, contemplating my wedded future.

But here is the best part:

See that little booty down in the corner? While my husband gazes longingly at me, and I stare demurely at the floor, the dress lady was trying to run away after throwing my veil up in the air for that glamorous floaty look. She didn't quite make it out of the shot, but it's fine because that's my favorite photo because of it.

Also throughout the day, the dress helper would touch up my make-up and put a new gaudy, ridiculous hair piece in. I kept telling her her I didn't want any hair pieces, but she thought I meant I just didn't want that one, so she would find another one to put in. I gave up. There is a big ugly hair piece in all the photos. She also put my hair "up" towards the end, and that turned out...not great. More about that later.

I did some of the pictures by myself, and so did KH, but most of them are of the two of us. I changed my dress 3 times for all the inside pictures and after about 3.5 hours, I put on my shorter dress I had made in Vietnam. I think this also irritated the photographer, but who cares? Not me. There was another couple in the studio when we arrived and they were taking pictures with Mickey and Minnie ears on and I was like I WANT THAT. And the photographer was like, no. And I was like, I AM PAYING YOU MONEY, GIVE ME THOSE EARS. And that was really the one thing that I had any say in. I don't know why he didn't want us to do it. I'm assuming it was because he already had a plan, and those weren't part of it but seriously? Fuck off.

My husband was not pleased about these, but he knows: Happy Wife, Happy Life. So he obliged.

After that we headed outside for a some fun humidity shots. It was August and had been raining earlier in the day, so my make up was just melting off at this point. Also, I was getting hangry and some of the photos show that.

Can you see my face? My face says I am over this, and I need food.

So we took some outside shots and then some of my wedding picture dreams came true and I was happy again. A few years ago I watched a Korean drama called "Big" (because my lover Gong Yoo is in it, not because it's any good. It's pretty stupid), and they had a pre-wedding shoot and it looked so fun! There were balloons and puppies and a bike! I was like, I want all that! Gimme! But, as I've said, no one asked me what I wanted so my dream of a bike/puppy/balloon picture was not taken into consideration. BUT-we got to take a bike picture anyway! It was part of the package! So they kind of unknowingly took my dream, and twisted into whatever they wanted, but it's fine because here is me, in a wedding dress, on a bike with my beloved:

We are most definitely going to crash since neither of us are looking where we're going, but who cares?! Love will save us.

Anyway, after that we went back inside for the final shots, of me in a hanbok. This is another bone of contention with my KH and I because he REFUSED to get a matching hanbok with me, even though it's pretty customary that the couple both have on a hanbok (ok, yeah, he's getting that angry text dammit). So anyway, it was just me in the hanbok and for traditional reasons that have still not been explained (I never asked, I was too hungry to care at this point), I had to take off my engagement ring and put on one they gave me. I was also given yet another hair ornament, and took this awesome traditional shot:

I'm sure it's meaningful and symbolic but I have yet to be given a reason for it, so I'll just pretend I know what's going on.

Ok! So then it was finally over. We took some final selfies and then high-tailed it out of there before I ripped someone's arm off and ate it. I would also like to say that as mad as I was/am about my KH's lack of hanbok, he was a fucking trooper throughout the entire process. He didn't have a chance to eat, and he honestly probably thought the entire thing was even more ridiculous than I did, but he did it all anyway, smiling like a champ the whole time. Good job, KH.

So, here some other random shots and then I'll sum up:

What is this? Why did he make us do this?

This one is also super stupid. What is even going on here?

Also ridiculous. Who even comes up with these?

This one I like, even if it is unnecessarily formal.

Ok, so this one makes me mad. One, because wtf, hair? And two, no one could iron this dress? NO ONE?

Actually, this one makes me MORE mad because it turned out so crappy. My friend took one on her phone that turned out way better, luckily.

Um, what is even happening here? What year are we in?

Stupid headpiece.

Wouldn't this look WAY better if KH were ALSO in a hanbok? Yes, it would. #madforever

Ok, so here are some after thoughts about the whole thing, and ways you can learn from my mistakes:

First off, the "photographer," in my opinion, is not a real photographer. I think he is just a person that sets up the camera and pushes the button. Judging from some of the final shots (that I won't be sharing, thank you very much), he didn't take any lighting or angles into consideration. I literally cried when we went to see the proofs. I'm not skinny. I know this, but some of the shots were so unflattering, I couldn't believe he looked through the lens and decided to take it anyway. Shots from below, and from the side, are generally not flattering, but for a person with big ole fat arms, they are especially harsh. One of them was from the side, from below of me sitting down. It makes me tear up to just think about that shot because what the heck? Is that what I look like? Maybe so, but who wants to feel like they look like Jabba the Hut in a wedding dress? No one. And I was especially pissed about the picture on the stairs, with all the lights, because like I said, my friend took a really fantastic on her phone and I was so excited about them! I thought they were going to be magical and amazing and they were total shit. And the worst part? We were looking at our proofs in an office that had framed photos of other couples and they had the SAME pose that was well lit and looked great! Why couldn't we have that? KH asked and was given some jibber-jabber nonsense answer that, really, doesn't matter because we can't (or won't) re-do them, so those stairwell dreams are gone. There were also a lot of pictures of other couples in other poses, that I would have also liked to have done. But, since no one asked me, or showed me any examples, those didn't happen.

I KNOW it doesn't matter, and I can't change it, and some of them turned out great and blah fucking blah, but yeah, it does irritate me that I cried looking at my wedding photos, and not out of happiness.

So point is-if you are concerned about all your pictures turning out great, and how you want them, get your nerves of steel ready for battle. Ask questions and insist on doing what you want. If there are poses or settings you want, insist that they happen before you agree to use that photographer. If there are ones you don't want to do, don't do them! I was a fool, I wasn't ready, hindsight is 20/20 and all that jazz. My hair looked really bad from the side, and I should have asked her to fix it, or just left it down. I should have made sure the dresses were ironed and wrinkle free. I didn't want to sit on the fucking floor and hold a pillow in my lap, so I should have said no. I should have lost 20 pounds before we took the pictures. Shoulda, woulda, coulda.

I did, at least, put my foot down about photoshopping them. Korean beauty standards prefer smooth, white, blemish free skin and they consider freckles to be blemishes. They asked probably five times if I wanted to photoshop out my "dots" and also take care of my fat situation. I insisted they leave my freckles alone, but I did get some back fat taken care of. Which again, could have probably been avoided with some better camera angles, or at least an instruction to sit up straight, but moving on.

Overall, I'm glad we did it. I like *most* of the final products, and now we have this GIANT book of totally ridiculous photos and they did make for some funny stories. I am, and probably will always be, frustrated with the lack of communication and consideration of both the studio, and my KH. I try to remember that Korea is VERY homogeneous and my fat, freckly, self is not included in their version of customer service. So, if you want some ridiculous, uniquely Korean photos to treasure and laugh about forever, get them done. If you think they are going to be anything like the loving, candid photos you see from your American friends on Facebook, you need to snuff that idea out real quick. Many of our pictures look like we are part of an arranged marriage and met for the first time at the photo shoot.

There are obviously ways around this. Hire a western style photographer to take the pictures. Find a studio that is a little more lax about how they take pictures. Pitch a fit at the studio to get your way. Replace your grandpa-esque KH with a younger, hipper version that is more willing to help you get your way. Leave Korea forever, get pictures taken at home and never look back. Pretend Korea doesn't even exist.

(I poke fun of my KH a lot, because he does act like a stuffy grandpa, but he's a really good KH and I don't want to actually trade him in. He works really hard, and it makes me crazy, but I'm actually really proud of him and how he works for himself, doing something he loves.)

So yeah, there you go. My Korean photo shoot experience, for better or worse. Here is where we went, and also the final selfies.