A Very Korean Wedding: Part Dool-Say 네 to the Dress

Oh my god, we're back again. Time to talk about another part of this crazy Korean wedding, the wedding portraits. Or rather, the lead-up to them. Unlike the US, Koreans do studio wedding portraits where both the bride and groom are there. I don't know what happens at other shoots, but in my situation, I was not asked about what kind of settings and poses we (as a couple) were interested in. Like most things in Korea, your personal interests are of no importance and you just do what everyone else has already done. If I could speak Korean better, I may have had some say in what was going on, but I don't and I didn't. Also, my man Korean is THE WORST at letting me know what is going on and this is definitely not the first time I have showed up somewhere not knowing what to expect and thus being woefully unprepared for what unfolds.

The actual day of the portraits was quite lovely. My friend and her Korean came along and they made it a fun affair. However, in hindsight (and after we got to see the proofs), I should have asked A LOT more questions and there are things I wish had been different. Anyway, I'll start from the beginning and if you're also getting wedding portraits, you can learn from my mistakes!

So, we just went to the studio recommended by our wedding hall. The studio works with a make-up and hair salon as well as a dress rental shop, so we used those as well. I have no doubt there are better and nicer shops out there, but I don't have Korean skills to find them and my Korean doesn't have the patience to do any research so that's why we just did what we were recommended.

A few weeks before the photo shoot, you will make an appointment to have a dress and/or tux fitting at the dress shop. Now, I was too hungover from my 31st birthday party to make the first appointment where my Korean could go along (birthday parties in your thirties are REAL difficult to recover from), so I went with a friend at a later date. This was good and bad...less stress because it's my friend that actually cares about wedding dresses but more stress because she also doesn't speak Korean well. The ladies were nice enough, so we got through it without too many problems in the language department. The real problem is that in Korea, I am a fat monster and can't fit into most of the dresses. While it's an awesome system of just renting dresses instead of buying them, it really only works in your favor if you are "Korean size," which is like somewhere between a 00-4 in US sizes. Regardless of how you actually feel about your weight, trying to stuff yourself into dresses that are too small is kind of a downer. And because it's Korea, they just don't have anything bigger. Yes, most Koreans are a small size but there ARE bigger Koreans that exist and I want to know where they are getting wedding dresses. It wasn't this fucking shop, that's for damn sure. My weight fluctuates a lot, but I am generally between an 8-10 in US sizes. I'm only 5'2" on a good day so my weight is pretty packed on my small frame. I think I am probably the maximum size to very tightly squeeze into a Korean dress, so if you are bigger than a 10 or a C bra size, chances are slim you will find a dress.

I totally understand that *most* women in this country are relatively slim but there are most definitely some that aren't. It just seems crazy to me that they don't have ANY options for women that are slightly bigger than the average size person. When my Korean and I went back the second time, she told him that ALL the dresses in Korea were like this and ALL brides have to be stuffed into dresses and that I just had to "endure." And honestly, I wouldn't have been so upset but we specifically asked the wedding planner if the dresses would fit me and she said "don't worry." The only other option was to have a dress specially made for me, but that is, obviously, very expensive and was not something I was interested in doing. In hindsight, that would have been much less stressful and definitely less soul-crushing. But, I still maintain that I am a paying customer and I should have been provided with dresses that made me feel comfortable and beautiful. I shouldn't have to endure!

Anyway, so there were a few that I managed to get my fat ass into, but of course they don't actually zip up or close in the back. So, they put this piece of fabric back there and tie you up, corset style. This was fine for pictures done from the front, but pretty obvious for anything shot from the side and back pictures were out of the question. But I'll get to that later. So yea, I got to choose three to stuff myself in and they were going to be ready to go on the day of the shoot.

A little side note about this dress shop: it was pretty dirty and REALLY cheesy. The decor was cringeworthy and everything looked like it hadn't been touched or wiped down since the 90s. The ladies working there were nice, but the kept asking me what kind of dress I wanted. I have kind of strange body shape, so I was less interested in finding my dream dress, but more interested in finding a dress that was flattering and actually fit. Stupid me, that wasn't an option. And you know how at home you can actually look at the different dresses and decide what you do and don't like? Well here you better come prepared or you can look in this ONE book that's sitting out that has five dress options in it. And even if you say, oh yes, I like this one, let's try it on, chances are high that it won't fit so that's a wasted 30 minutes of your life.

Oh, and the best part is that they give you these teeny tiny undergarments to try on as well. TAKE YOUR OWN BRA if you ever have to do this. I cannot stress this enough. In addition to probably never being washed, the actual bra is teeeeeny tiny and they still make you wear it, even if it VERY CLEARLY doesn't fit. And trying on dresses without proper undergarments will shred whatever self-esteem you had left so I wouldn't recommend it. The tiny bra makes your boobs look crazy and it puts them in places they have probably never been before. They also gave me these tiny shorts to put on and they would have maybe fit my 10 year old cousin.

Oh, also eat a proper meal or take snacks with you because it took a good 3-4 hours and by the end I was a hangry monster. My nerves were already shot by the entire experience, but by the end, I was just like WHATEVER because I needed to leave and get some food.

Ok, so you get into some dresses and they make you stand on this pedestal thing and open the curtains to show you off to whoever is there with you. Like I said, my friend was with me the first time and when I went back to choose the actual wedding dress, my fiance was there. They don't have the same tradition of not having the groom see you before the wedding day so if you want to retain that, bring someone else or tell your man to wait outside.

So I chose three and that's that. About two weeks later, it's time to take the pictures and that is yet another fun adventure in miscommunications, shattered expectations and a breakdown of your self esteem. Ready? Okay!

First, we had to go get my Korean fitted for his tux. At my shady ass rental shop, there were apparently only four different jacket options for him to choose from. This seems insane to me, but why would anything start making sense now? Also, the sample clothes they had him try on did not fit AT ALL so it was hard to get an idea of what actually looked good. The shirt was billowy and huge and the pants were too short and made his otherwise cute butt look ridiculous. Also, he only wore one outfit during the entire photo shoot, while I wore five. WHATEVER.

My friend (same one that came to the dress shop) and her husband came along for the adventure because they will be going through the same process next year. Lucky them, they also get to benefit from our mistakes.

After that, we drove to the make-up studio and were told to put our things and clothes into lockers. He and I both got made up and got our hair done. I got angry because no one told me I was supposed to come with examples and ideas of what I wanted my hair and make up to look like. I don't really wear a lot of make-up on a daily basis, so I wasn't sure what "look" I was going for. These seems like a stupid oversight now, but I assumed they were the professionals and they would be able to give helpful suggestions. Wrong again! The make-up ended up looking nice, but I did get very "Korean" eyebrows that were very thick and straight across, rather than just filling in my natural arch. Other than that, I looked quite pretty! My hair is naturally curly and I should have known they would have a hard time dealing with it. But again, I stupidly went into this process thinking the hair professionals would be able to help me. There were pictures of different styles, but they were all for people with very long hair. There was talk of being able to put extensions in my hair, but I was leery. My hair is dark, but it's not quite as dark as most Korean's natural color and idk, extensions seemed like A LOT of work at the time. So, they just defined the curls and I wore it down for the first half of the shoot.

The hair and make-up process took THREE HOURS, which was shocking to me. Maybe that is normal, but it takes me about thirty minutes to get myself showered, ready and out the door, so three hours was an absurd amount of time to spend getting ready. Once everything was finished, I was put into dress number one by a lovely assistant sent from the dress shop. She didn't speak any English, but she was very kind and patient throughout the whole process so that was one positive thing that came out of the experience. She did give me the ugliest shoes in the entire world to put on and tried to get me to put on a corset the size of my thigh, but it wasn't her fault. It's what EVERYONE else has worn, so of course I should do it as well.

Oh, also, after all that, I had to get in the car and drive to photo studio, which meant I was just wandering around the streets of Apgujeong for a few minutes while my Korean pulled the car out. And you know what? No one even batted an eye. Bless you, oblivious Koreans.

Last thing-I did have a very positive experience having a traditional Korean hanbok made, and I'll talk about that later as well. Not everything about this mess was horrible.

Anyway, that's the dress portion. I'm exhausted from re-living all of this so I'll save the photo shoot for Part Set. Stay tuned!

Looks decent from afar. But let's take a closer look....

That's tape holding it together. Just to give you an idea of the high class establishment I was working with. 

Perfect! Let's get married in that. 

Four hours have passed and we haven't even started taking pictures yet....

These fucking shoes

*Also, just before anyone gets upset, I KNOW I am in another country, and should be expected to adhere to their customs, etc. I am trying and yes, I would benefit from speaking Korean better. These are my frustrations with my personal experience and most of it doesn't have anything to do with the actual country, it's a combination of lots of different things. Also, it's really really hard to let go of certain expectations you have for a wedding, even if you are in a different country. I really don't know if other Korean women are actually happy with their wedding experiences, but I can't imagine that anyone that is even the slightest bit overweight appreciates having ZERO options for them to wear on their special day. 

Vietnam: Part One, Shoes

OOps! I didn't want this to be a kbeauty blog because I am seriously the dumbest when it comes to make-up, and also there are hundreds of other, more knowledgeable people that can help you out. So, moving on from my limited beauty product knowledge for now. Moving on to my FANTASTIC VIETNAM TRIP!! I have been on a lot of vacations, but this past one I took to Vietnam was damn near perfect. There were a lot of aspects to the fabulousness, so it's overwhelming and irrational to try and tackle it all in one go. I am also not going to try and organize it in any way, I'm just going to randomly post things trip related every now and then. First up, shoes!

Last year, I went on a two week tour of Vietnam and made a two day stop in Hoi An, which is on the east coast in the middle of Vietnam. It is famous for silk lanterns and tailor shops. I LOVE paper lanterns (not kidding, they are tattoed on my body), so this place like the little magical, softly-lit paper wonderland of my dreams. Two days was not enough, so I convinced SY to go back for our summer vacation. I had ulterior motives, though, because I wanted a new wardrobe (and a wedding dress, another post!) made. Plus, I wanted to experience the romance and magical-ness of the city with SY and not random strangers I met in the hostel. So back we went at the end of July! So many fantastic things happened but for now, shoes!

Like I said, Hoi An is famous for tailors, as well as handmade shoes and other leather goods. After I got fitted for a dress, the shop recommended a shoe store down the street. I am so incredibly lazy and hate bargaining with people, so instead of trying to look for anywhere else that might have been better or cheaper, I just went with this first option. I don't recommend doing this because I'm quite certain there are better options out there. While I am relatively happy with my results, I feel like things could have been better, and cheaper. Also I second guess every decision I've ever made in my life, so this is no exception.

The place was called VANS shoes and the ladies were nice enough. I showed them what I wanted and got fitted and was on my way. When I came back the next day (so fast!) they were ready but I wanted them to tighten the straps on the sides of the sandals. Long story short, I came back to the store 3 more times and they were never tightened. Finally on the last day, they suggested tightening the back strap to make them tighter and because I am easily convinced, don't like arguing and they legit seemed tighter, I just went with it. Now, being home and wearing them around town, I am pretty pissed I didn't make them tighten the straps on the sides. Because now they flap around when I walk and it's so annoying. They are SO cute and I love them, but god dammit, they are flappy and annoying.


I also got some heels made. I am pretty happy with them, but I recently wore them and damn, they were crazy uncomfortable. I only wore them for a few minutes, so maybe they will stretch out and feel better but at the moment they are pretty pinchy. But, they photograph well and are pretty to look at so that's a plus. Also, they were about $150 cheaper than what they go for online.

Well shit, this turned out more negative than I thought. I loved most things about Vietnam, and these shoes are, in theory (and in pictures) are pretty fabulous. But, they were more expensive and less satisfactory than I was hoping. So, yeah, if you decide to go and get some shoes made, channel your inner strength and stick to your guns about what you want and how they feel. Don't be like me and just give up so you can leave with your shoes you paid money for. Yes, they are cheaper than anything you will ever buy or have made at home but still. They're yours and you're paying so get what you want or get out. For Part Two, I'll find something more positive to write about!

A Very Korean Wedding: Part Hana-The "Engagement"

Ok. So. I'm getting married in Korea in 15 days and it has just been a roller-coaster. Mainly it's been a frustrating shit show, with little slivers of fun thrown in.  I am hoping it will all turn out to be worth it, but I'll have to get back to you in 15 days on that one.

Since I am assuming most people that are looking at this blog have some interest in having their own Korean wedding, I am not going to into explaining ALL the cultural nuances of this crazy tiny country but will be giving a personal account of MY experiences that I've PERSONALLY had. So, this isn't what everyone has or will go through. If you are an American and/or other westerner getting married to a Korean in Korea, god's speed to you. It isn't easy.

So this post is mainly about the steps leading to the wedding..a prequel, if you will.

Some background: unlike what dramas will lead you to believe, most Korean men are not that romantic. This opinion is based on my Korean and the handful of friends I have that are also married to Koreans. Most grown men think celebrating 100 days and White Day is childish and Koreans in general are not a very celebratory people, especially in terms of gift and card giving. I can't tell you how many fights I've had about what constitutes proper behavior on a holiday or anniversary or how many lectures I've given on the importance on honoring what the most important person in your life finds important. IT'S FUCKING IMPORTANT PEOPLE! Would it kill you to buy some flowers? NO IT WOULDN'T.

Umm, point is, they don't see the point of western style romance and this includes having big engagements. The two of you generally just decide together that you're going to get married and then you meet the parents and that's that. I did have one friend that had a lovely surprise involving video and a boat but that is more rare. Generally, there's no ring and no knee and you will have to deflect questions from your western friends, and sob over other people's romantic and special stories/videos/pictures. OR you can stage your own post-actual engagement, engagement reenactment and post those pictures...like I did. We actually got legally married (yet another post) and then I had time to plan out all the things I wanted to happen. I wanted a ring, so we went to "jewelry street" near Jongno and got a shiny fake diamond. I never really put any thought into a "dream ring" so I wasn't *that* concerned with what it looked like or how much it cost. The shinier and cheaper, the better. I have other plans for our money. Since Koreans often get "couple rings" when they have been in a serious relationship for a while, it took some explaining to vendors that no, my boyfriend didn't want a matching diamond for himself.  

I had also never put a lot of thought into my "dream" anything pertaining to a wedding. Different things are important to different people, but for me, I just wanted some semblance of tradition so I "gently guided" my Korean in these steps. It's not that I never expected to get married, I had just never put any thought into what I expected to happen. Which is probably for the best because I would have been SEVERELY disappointed.

So anyway, we got the ring and two weeks later we were able to "get engaged." Why two weeks? Oh because my Korean works like fucking crazy person and only gets a day off the first and third Sunday of every month. Yes yes, you heard right, 2 days off a month. Koreans are notoriously cray cray when it comes to work culture and he is no different. He, fortunately, owns his own business and doesn't have to deal with next level insanity of Korean corporate world, but since he's also the only empoloyee as well as the boss, there isn't anyone else to work if he wants a day off. His ridiculous job is a whole other post, so we'll move on.

On his next day off, we rented a little boat on a lake near Gapyeong (we had been there before) and paddled out to the middle and he just gave me the ring. I had gotten us couple shirts from Gmarket that made us look precious and romantic in the pictures, but really it was all my idea and it was kind of lame. We were also made to wear life jackets and when I made us unbuckle them for the pictures, we got yelled at through a bullhorn from the people back at the dock. Dammit people, we're trying to be romantic, shut the hell up! Also, my Korean is not as comfortable as I am in the water, so that explains the look of fear on his face in some of the pictures. After we got back on solid ground, we had a picnic at "our spot" in the park and that was less stressful. We took more pictures and exactly zero people congratulated us on newly engaged status. Our shirts clearly let everyone know what was going but it's Korea, no one gives a shit about anyone else.

Then I put the pictures up and pretended like it was a great magical moment. It was a fun day, but since I had planned it all out, it really wasn't all that romantic. Looking back now, it kind of makes me angry. I mean, it's so lame! I had to plan everything! What is wrong with him that he can't pretend to even give a shit? Dammit, cultural differences! I think this anger is because of all the subsequent milestones our relationship has since had where he makes little to no effort to acknowledge or celebrate it. He is slowly learning but I have a feeling there are going to be a few more blowouts before he learns and I also learn to chill a little. Just a little, though. Celebrating is my joy.

Anyway. That's that. I don't regret anything, but going through this ridiculous Korean wedding process has been wearing me down. Group mentality and the disregard for individuality extends into wedding culture. So even on your special day, it's actually not at all about you, but about your family and guests. This is my path that I have chosen so I can't complain, but I'm American so I will probably continue to anyway. The frustration of having to manufacture romance for myself is most definitely not unique to Korea. I am sure brides around the world are displeased with how things have progressed in their wedding journey, I'm just putting mine on the internet. But god damn you, rom-coms for ruining everything and giving people ridiculous expectations of what romance means!

Ok, well that was the "engagement" even though we were actually married the whole time! Sneaky us. Here are some pics and links in case you want a faux engagement for yourself!

Korea Jewelry Street: http://english.visitkorea.or.kr/enu/SHP/SH_EN_7_2.jsp?cid=273730
There are tons of stores so shop around to find a ring and a price you like.

Boat Rental: http://english.visitkorea.or.kr/enu/ATR/SI_EN_3_1_1_1.jsp?cid=584607&nearBy=accom
There are other, more exciting, rentals you can do as well.

You too can get yelled at while also getting "engaged!"

T-shirts: http://www.dhgate.com/product/hight-quality-chinese-size-s-xxxl-would-you/269422233.html
This isn't where we got ours, but that site has since been defunct. Such is the fickle life of Korea.